We all have a food Journey.

I love food. but there was also a time I hated food and times i’ve loved it more than I should have. Using food for comfort to suppress my feelings and emotions aka binging.

“Through every emotion I had, food was always there”

I was afraid of food the most during my disordered eating days. I hated food. I hated the word food. It scared me so much. I remember being in such a panic every-time breakfast, lunch, and dinner hour came around. I’d try to come up with another story of why I wasn’t eating, or “wasn’t hungry.” Or how to hide my food, pretend I ate it, and then spit it back out when no one was looking. It was exhausting.

After years of starving myself, I slowly entered a cycle of becoming addicted to food. Food was on my mind 24/7, Every day, hour, seconds. I couldn’t stop eating. Through every emotion I had, food was always there.

When I was lonely, food was my friend.

When I was happy, food was my celebration.

When I was depressed, food was my happiness.

When I was angry, food calmed me down.

When no one understood me, food always got me.

When the pain was overbearing, food was my bandaid

When I was stressed, food was my reliever.

Food became my emotional stability when I couldn’t function. I learned to rely on food to help me with every emotion, and feeling that came my way. 

Because, food was always there it didn’t matter if I wasn’t enough, or I was too much, ugly, fat, not smart, food couldn’t tell me all the ways I was lacking. It was just there.

To break that addiction.. Yes, it was an addiction. I won’t even go in-depth on all the ways food consumed me. Making me lie, steal, sneak, hide, and go through 5 different drive thru’s all in one night.. too coming home and eating some more. I was addicted. (like addictive drugs, food gives you a dopamine hit. Making you feel on a high for about 10 min. then the cycle continues)

The hardest thing to overcome was breaking up with food. Detaching my mindset, and emotions that were so hard core linked to food.

You may be reading this, and thinking “thats crazy” or that someone facing a food addicted, or eat disorder is insane and not real. If i didn’t go through it first hand, yes, I may be thinking the same. But this is just as serious as any other addition. 

If you have any idol or coping mechanism besides Jesus Himself… It’s an equaling dangerous road.

Food will always be there. We need it to survive. I think that was actually the hardest thing in overcoming, because it’s not like you can cut it out and never consume it again. 

You have to learn to retrain the way you view and use food. Seeing it as fuel, energy, and not something bad, scary, or using for comfort.

“It doesn’t have to control you any longer”

My relationship with food has been a long journey, to say the least. Food is there. It is emotional. It is energy. It’s not always black and white but what I can tell you is that my relationship with food is the best its been.

If you are finding yourself facing this same demon, know that there is hope, there is victory and there is freedom waiting for you at the other end. With Jesus you hold a power that is greater and can break straight through the hold your demon (aka food) makes it self to be. It DOESNT have to control you any longer.

I think sometimes we forget, we are already free. 

If you too, are finding  yourself struggling with binge eating or emotional eating send me a message.

I would love to set up a free Health coaching consultation with you. Sometimes, we have to reach out for help in order to find healing. Seeking counsel from someone who’s walked that same rode as you.

It’s never to late.